For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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