it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
