There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize