i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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