If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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