He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
