You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
