mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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