Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
