Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
