She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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