God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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