I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
