The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
