Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
