I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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