Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
