You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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