You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
