Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
