we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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