I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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