I'm passing your future prison.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
