Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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