Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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