I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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