I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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