I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey