I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!