I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.