Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.