omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
