Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
God I need to hump something, right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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