oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
