currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
