Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
