can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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