So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
