The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
did i walk over a car last night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
