Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
