So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
