I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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3pm strippers are depressing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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