I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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