Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
