I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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