$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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