if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
