oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
