Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
