It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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