I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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