the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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