After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
