I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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