Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
