Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
