i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
