youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
