Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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