every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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