you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
