Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
