If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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