Banned from zoo.
Again?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
