Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
