The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize